I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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