he thought i was a dude.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
