Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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