It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
