hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
