I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
