It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
