i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
