I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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