Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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