"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
