i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
