is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
