So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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