I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
