I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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