it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
