U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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