i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
honey bunches of taint.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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