Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
