I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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