I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
