After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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