I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize