I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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