Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
