I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They took my balls.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
