Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My vagina is officially offended.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
