kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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