And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Panties = found
Randomize
