We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
