Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
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she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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