woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
