dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
