this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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