if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
