We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
