i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
