I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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