I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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