its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You ever have a fart follow you around?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
