My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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