ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
