Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
