just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
