thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
