i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
