Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
