Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize