i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
