omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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