4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
