Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
