I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just invented taco cereal.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
