just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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