Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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