Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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