I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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