We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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