Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
