everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
